Yesterday started out well. I didn’t even think about eating for most of the day. However, in the afternoon, it occurred to me that I needed to do some “work after work” that would involve studying, and that’s always hard to do—especially on an empty stomach. I don’t know if the cognitive load of studying actually demands a lot of extra fuel in the form of sugar and carbohydrates, or if the desire for eating those things is just a stress response, but it seemed clear to me that I’d need some junk food if I was going to get anything intellectually demanding done.

I stopped by the grocery store after work and picked up some chocolate-covered almonds and some white cheddar popcorn (sugar and carbohydrates). I figured that the total calories consumed would be close to the amount of energy burned by normal metabolic activity, but I didn’t sit down and calculate that to make sure. Anyway, I weigh 1.5 pounds more today than yesterday. Sure, some of that is water retention due to the salt in the popcorn (and the fiber), but the kicker is that I didn’t actually get any studying done. I goofed around on my phone and then fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, it was time to go to bed.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I’m so unmotivated lately, particularly regarding this project of losing weight. I think I’m depressed, but I’m not sure if that’s just a result of the typical waxing and waning of my mood, or if it’s ennui caused by my work situation. I’ve bitched and moaned about work many times (especially recently) because it just makes me miserable. It’s neither interesting nor rewarding, and it eats up too much of my time and energy. I suppose a significant percentage of people have the same complaints, but I’m at a stage in my life where I’m realizing that I have to make a choice: I can either suck it up and continue on a path that has no value for me, or I can try to forge a new path that allows me to cultivate my interests. At this point, I’m dead-set on the latter option; I just need to figure out how to make that leap.

Anyway, I think I need to go back to fasting all day for at least two days per week. My weight has done nothing but bounce up and down for weeks now. I do have a lot of upcoming additional stress related to work, but maybe I’ll be busy enough not to succumb to some of my unhealthy eating habits. We’ll see…