I wasn’t very good yesterday. The day began with some anxiety because I had to drop my car off at the body shop and get a rental car before going to work, so I didn’t have my usual amount of “buffer” time before the stress of my job was upon me. I have a thing about arriving to work on time, too: I’m never late. Because the rental car company took such a long time to pick me up, I thought I’d be late, so that only increased my anxiety level.

I ended up getting to work on time; I was, in fact, early. But the morning had already worn me out, so, when it was offered, I decided to take a couple or hours of unpaid time off. I tried to relax for a bit, and, when that didn’t work, I started working on a Google AI training course (so far, it’s as boring as it sounds). Anyway, the stage was set for a rough day ahead, and it was.

My stomach began to feel especially empty later in the day. I hadn’t eaten since the night before, and this isn’t unusual for me, but I just couldn’t shake the nagging urge to get something in my stomach. My workplace has fancy machines that make coffee and hot chocolate, so I had a hot chocolate…followed by a second one. The emptiness went away, and I was able to make it through the rest of the workday.

When I left work, I knew I’d be stopping by the grocery store. I also knew that this was a bad idea, but I just didn’t care. I feel pretty beaten down when I get off work, so my self-discipline is just shot, and that leads to poor food choices. Anyway, I picked up a loaded baked potato (it was only loaded with brisket and cheese) and some chips and queso. All of it was gone by the end of the night.

I was surprised to get on the scale and weight exactly the same as I did yesterday. I had worried about the effect of the potato and tortilla chips in particular, so I was relieved to not have gained any weight. The thing is: none of what I ate was spectacular; it wasn’t worth it. If I’m going to cheat, I need to make sure that it’s worth it. But, ultimately, I need to reduce the amount of cheating on my diet. It’s gotten out of hand recently. I’ll have to try harder.