Yesterday was not a good day for dieting, and I think part of this pattern of not having good days is that I’ve gotten out of the habit of planning my eating. I go to Trader Joe’s on Saturdays to pick up raw almonds and coconut almond coffee creamer. Unfortunately, I have the habit of checking out the new items they have, and there’s often something that I can’t resist trying. Additionally, I’ve been really craving some good chocolate lately, and Trader Joe’s has three-packs of small Belgian chocolate bars. And the have brownies and scones and other sugary things that I have no business perusing.

Anyway, I picked up some tiny brownies when I went past the baked good display on the way to getting the creamer. My brain was still stuck on those Belgian chocolate bars, though, so I went to where they’re typically displayed by the ice cream and frozen confections. They were out of them, though, so I grabbed some dark chocolate-covered frozen strawberries instead. However, when I checked out, I saw the chocolate bars on a display right by the cash register…and I got them as well.

This impulsivity when shopping seems to be a very ingrained pattern. The problem is that I don’t take the time to deliberate when I’m struck by these impulses; I just grab whatever unhealthy item I’m pulled toward without really thinking about it. My brain puts up little resistance, and that’s obviously a problem because I can’t avoid going to the grocery store. So, I need to go back to making lists and sticking to them.

I intended to spread out the consumption of all the sugary stuff over the weekend, but, of course, that didn’t happen. Just like when I was a kid and would gobble up all my Halloween candy, I eventually ate everything in one day. The chocolate addition is a particularly difficult thing to control. Eating chocolate isn’t just about relieving anxiety for me (like a lot of my eating is); I love everything about chocolate from the rich taste to the way it melts in my mouth, so it doesn’t last long.

By the afternoon, I was feeling almost sick because of all the sugar consumed. I learned at some point in the past that eating something high in protein would offset this feeling, but I didn’t have anything high in protein (even some cheese would have done the trick). For some reason, on the weekends, I almost always have pizza on the brain, so I ordered something from MOD Pizza since their pizzas are at least person-sized. But, while they’re small, they’re of course packed with calories, so, while I was relieved of my sugar coma, I didn’t help my cause in terms of calorie restriction.

Anyway, the end result of a day of terrible eating is that I regained the four pounds I’d lost at weigh-in yesterday. I’ve had my coffee for the day, so the Poop Factor is already at work and some of that weight will be “eliminated,” but it’s frustrating that I have these bouts where my self-discipline is just gone on the weekends. I’m stressed and depressed by the end of the workweek, so I obviously need to figure out a way to deal with that situation differently. I have something in mind, so I’ll post about it if it comes to fruition. In the meantime, I’m going to go back to planning my eating—and try to stick to those plans.