Yesterday was much like the day before: unproductive. The weather was the same (overcast and gloomy), my activity level was the same (lots of time on the couch), and my eating was the same (grazing). Not surprisingly, I didn’t lose any weight (I actually gained a couple of pounds). Today marks two weeks since I began this journey, and I’m down ten pounds. That’s not bad, but, had I exercised more self-discipline, the number of pounds lost would have been higher.

I tend to struggle with consistency (despite having OCD). I do just fine when there’s a lot of extrinsic motivation, but when achieving a goal depends on intrinsic motivation, I can easily get off-track. I never really learned how to plan, prioritize, or even set goals when I was a kid. Before OCD and depression, I just got stuff done without any of that. I’d come home from school, sit down with my homework, and work on it until it was done. And after OCD and depression came knocking, getting anything done in a reasonable amount of time was nearly impossible.

Also, I used to have a really good memory. I didn’t write plans down or make to-do lists because I could remember those things in my head. That is no longer the case. I can go to the grocery store for one specific thing and leave with everything but that one thing now, which is why I got into the habit of making a list before going grocery shopping.

My point is that my use of external tools for planning, prioritizing, and goal-setting isn’t well-developed. I don’t have an organized system for getting things done. I don’t know how many planners I’ve bought and never used, but that’s what happens when I buy planners. For some reason, my brain still thinks that I should be able to keep track of everything internally, when the reality is that I can’t.

Yesterday, it occurred to me how important executive function (planning, prioritizing, and goal-setting) is when trying to lose weight. You can’t really get to where you want to go without at least some planning. A pilot doesn’t just get in a plane, start flying, and expect to navigate to his or her destination without a flight plan. Pilots don’t do things on the fly; they don’t wing it (the puns are free, by the way). Similarly, most people need to have a plan to accomplish anything significant.

Anyway, I’ll try to be more deliberate in the future. I’ll make more concrete plans for the days on which I don’t work to avoid not being busy enough (which, in turn, will hopefully avoid bouts of grazing and lying on the couch doing nothing). No more flying by the seat of my pants.