I gained a pound yesterday, which was less than I was expecting given that I ate the same things as I had eaten the day before (when I gained over three pounds). My total gain for the weekend was four pounds, which is similar to the amount I gained last weekend. Obviously, I’m doing something wrong on the weekends. If I can restrict myself to one meal per day on Saturday and Sunday, I think that will help, but I’ve also got to be better about avoiding sugar. Things went off the rails in that regard starting on Friday with the chocolate-covered almonds and tiny cups of ice cream. Today is a fasting day, though, so I’ll lose much of that weight while I endure the pains of sugar withdrawal.

I need to be more careful because I’m behind the pace I set for myself when I began this project. I intended to lose five pounds per week, which is not that difficult, but my weekend eating habits have sabotaged that goal on more than one occasion now. Now that I’m fasting three days per week rather than two, some of that ground can be made up as long as I avoid shooting myself in the foot at the end of the week.

I keep thinking about how to describe the feeling I get when I’m wanting to eat something extra on a non-fasting day because it isn’t hunger. It’s some sort of urging brought about by boredom, I think. Or, if it isn’t boredom, it’s something similar, like not being as busy as I am when working. It seems to be this desire for some sort of stimulation. And it’s difficult to stop thinking about. I’m not the kind of person who likes to be busy all the time; I’m more contemplative than that. The problem is that I sometimes don’t direct my thoughts to productive ends. Because of OCD, there’s a lot of resistance to engaging in constructive activity (like reading) because it’s so much work. That’s hard to explain, but there are a lot of extraneous things that go on in my head even when I’m just reading, and those things make what should be something pleasurable rather exhausting.

My eating habits, as I’ve said before, are very much rooted in psychology. I eat, especially anything sweet, to soothe my anxiety. And I experience a significant amount of anxiety every day; that’s just how my brain works. Eating sugar also comes into play when I’m feeling depressed as it can lessen it to some degree (or at least temporarily lessen my preoccupation with it). The obvious solution would be to find a way to decrease my anxiety and lessen my depression, but that’s far easier said than done. If doing those things were simple, I would have done them.

Anyway, one of the things missing from the weekends is strenuous exercise comparable to the workouts I get at the gym. My gym is at work, and I’m not driving to my workplace on the weekends just to go to the gym. I need some sort of activity to get my heart rate up on the weekends, though. I’ve been eyeing an elliptical machine for home, but they aren’t cheap and they certainly aren’t gym quality. However, I’m getting an unexpected tax return this year, so maybe I’ll treat myself.

Goal for the week: fast Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to lose about nine pounds. I’m going to a friend’s 40th birthday party on Saturday, and there will probably be something sweet there, but I’ll try no to overindulge. And I’ll try to repair whatever damage occurs on Sunday.