I lost over four pounds yesterday because I didn’t eat at all. After four consecutive days of gaining weight, it’s good to be headed in the right direction again. I’m still stunned that I can gain so much weight in such a short amount of time (as I’ve done over the past two weekends), but I admit that I haven’t been nearly as mindful as I should be given a pretty challenging long-term goal. My brain seems to get derailed in times of stress, and there’s been a lot of stress lately.

I don’t feel good at all today. I have a headache, my brain feels foggier than usual, and I’m even more tired than I typically am. In a nutshell: I feel run-down. Part of this may be due to premature burnout at my job. I’d like to say something positive about what I currently do for a living, but honestly I absolutely dread going to work. It’s been a source of anxiety from the moment I started, and that initial anxiety has been compounded by feeling like nothing I do is good enough. It’s hard going into work every day and getting nothing but criticism when I know that I’m doing a good job. I may just have to accept that my current workplace is not a good fit and move on.

Back to this project, though. I’ve already burned through two months of it, so I’ve only got two months left to reach my goal of losing 80 pounds in four months. I don’t think that’s realistic at this point. Had I been more disciplined during the initial two months, I might have been able to pull it off, but I’ve probably got too much ground to make up at this point. I need to be losing weight even on the non-fasting days, and that isn’t happening due to straying outside the parameters which would make that possible.

So, I’ll probably need to extend my time frame. I’ll need to avoid sugar and flour. I may need to avoid meat and cheese. And I’ll need to avoid eating in response to anxiety. Given how much anxiety I’m currently experiencing, I don’t know how realistic that is, but all I can do is try.