Yesterday was the first day since this project began during which I neither lost nor gained weight. It was a non-fasting day on which I intended to limit myself to my usual breakfast and dinner, but a Reese’s peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake was served at a work meeting, and I impulsively accepted a slice when offered. Since I had already committed the sin of indulging in sugar during the day, I had a bit of ice cream after dinner. Honestly, I’m surprised that my weight held steady as any intake of sugar on any given day seems to inevitably result in weight gain for me.

Impulsivity when it comes to eating decisions is a problem for me, which is interesting as I am normally a very deliberate person. Yesterday, when the cheesecake was offered, there was a split second during which my prefrontal cortex kicked in and hesitated before making the choice to accept the cheesecake. I need to learn how to better pay attention to those moments, step back, and make the right decision. The cheesecake, while good, was not worth sacrificing the fast from breakfast to dinner—and it wasn’t worth my ongoing attempts to reject sugar.

The slippery slope phenomenon obviously kicked in when I got home and had a bit of ice cream after dinner. My thinking in those situations is: “Well, I already screwed up, so I might as well screw up some more.” I need to shift my thinking to: “Well, I screwed up, but I need to regain control and not screw up further.” Also, I should not have had ice cream on hand at all, since availability only makes it harder to resist unhealthy impulses.

The next couple of months are going to be a grind at work. I’m going to try to avoid allowing the stress incurred during that period influence my eating choices. I’m still going to try at some point to start avoiding sugar and flour completely, but chronic stress makes doing that difficult. I’ll just need to try to keep in mind my original goals for this project and try to stick to more controlled behavior.

I feel good about being two months into this experience. To my surprise, I haven’t missed a single weigh-in or blog post, and I guess that’s evidence of at least some self-discipline at work. If I can expand that to my actual eating practices, I may just be able to realize my original goal after all.